井底之蛙

井底之蛙
Haha, I'm sure you guys have heard of this Chinese proverb/idiom. Non-chinese friends,it basically means 'A frog in a well'. Hmm,my mum always say that I'm a frog in a well. I used to ignore or dismiss what she said as nonsense but recently..I realised that maybe I am a frog in a well.

To be honest, I think that 2011 is the crappiest year of my life. Yeah, I know its barely end of the year or even half the year but really it is. It's a year when I have been discovering more of my real self and I realised I don't know a lot of things because I have not been stepping out of my comfort zone, my well that is. It's amazing when I hear people telling me about their stories and experiences, what they have learnt, how they have grown and how much they have really enjoyed themselves out there. Perharps it is because I have spent my entire child/teenage-hood just drowning myself in books and studies in school or maybe I just don't have the time. But deep down, I know it's because of fear.

I am scared (terrified would be a better word though) of how the world would be like. So afraid to step out by myself. It just feel like I only have myself to depend on, to protect myself, to survive and go on. The feeling is as though no one, NO ONE is there to help. Even if there are friends and families who are willing to, how much can they offer? for how long can they help, they still have their own lives to care about right? how long are they able to endure your whines and pleas? will they still be able to help you forever? I have a feeling, a feeling that the world will swallow me one day...

Sure, there are a few instances when I tried pushing myself to climb out of the well. I was pretty pleased with myself but in the end, I realised that I fell back to the bottom again. Fear overcame me once again and secretly, I'm pretty contented that I'm back in my safe little old well with the walls to shield and protect me again. One thing though... when I look up to the sky in the well, it feels as though the sky is becoming further further away, increasing difficult and seemingly impossible to reach for it.



Here's a song to end the entry:

I look up; turn my face towards the raining sky
Water falls, water rises and I wonder why
Self sufficient and ignorant inside your shell
You would rather stay tucked away in this well

I don't know all that much, but I do know this
A well has no place for active dreamers
Let's get up and go, foot hole by foot hole; if we fall still no wall is too tall for us

For us

And you're scrambling to find some golden eggs to say
When I ask you about the things you did today
Aren't you tired of waiting for something to appear
While you're tied down by some unknown fear

You ask me why on earth I am so eager
I need more than some twelve inch diameter
There's so much more to see than merely stone walls and dim light in short sight and stagnant water

Rest content in what you see as reality
But my friend, that is not enough a life for me
All the stories that I cannot begin to tell
If I spend my life as a frog in a well

I am sure that this place has seen enough of me
Time to make my legs like my mind and wander free
As for now there's a lack of depth to what I see
But soon I will find much larger periphery

The city lights are just around the border
I see them shining shining like no other
Why can't we just be the same, see things in not black and not white and not grey but an array of color?

Rest content in what you see as reality
But my friend, that is not enough a life for me
All the stories that I cannot begin to tell
If I spend my life as a frog in a well

Farewell
I will follow this path
Until
I breathe my last breath
When I'm there
I'll send you parts of the skies
From lands where we
Now only fantasize

Farewell
I'm leaving stone by stone
I don't care
If I do this alone
When I'm there
I will send you a star
The ones that we
Now only see from afar

Rest content in what you see as reality
But my friend, that is not enough a life for me
All the stories that I cannot begin to tell
If I spend my life as a frog in a well

I won't spend my life as a frog in a well